Amac Productions

We’re feeling A Christmas Carol up in this episode!

And according to the disclaimer, chimneys need repairing.

Which, you know, makes sense. Given that a large man with a large sack of toys and a little blonde friend just jumped down the one in orphanage.

But out of all of this, even learning how Santa Claus came about in this universe, or that the baby Jesus was there at the end with the donkey.

Out of all the chaos and toy fighting and evil kings, we discover some fascinating things about Xena and Gabrielle.

Let’s start with Xena here!

If anyone out there wants to try and tell me that Xena is not so far gone and head over heels in love with Gabrielle, I just – I just don’t know what to do with you! You’re not watching the show the right way, let me tell you that much.

I mean, let’s start with the damn obvious here about how Xena helps concoct this ridiculous plan to turn the king from his ‘terrible ways.’ Not only does she help plan it, she’s at the center of it, playing the three fates, and acting like a ridiculous person all to avoid punching people because Gabrielle asked nicely.

WTF.

Then, then, when Gabrielle derails the plan by spending their money on a donkey, Xena doesn’t blink twice.

I felt like that was going to be a bigger plot point and it just… wasn’t. It was nothing.

Xena was like – of course you saved a donkey, honey, I got you.

Like WTF?

Most other people would have freaked out, been worried, or annoyed. Unless you’re pining away worse than a Christmas tree farm, then it’s all wonderful roses and sunshine.

Sure, right.

If Joxer had done that, Xena would have launched him off a cliff.

Also, side note, super relieved that Joxer is not in this episode. That would not have put me into good cheer.

Nope.

However, then we have something even bigger! Something more momentous as we reach the end of the episode!

Not only does Xena who previously complained that she might not pick something Gabrielle will like and therefore should just give her the money to be something herself, pick an absolutely thoughtful and heartfelt gift. She tops herself within the same moment of handing it to Gabrielle!

Gabrielle worries because she doesn’t have anything for Xena.

Though Xena assures her with a hand on her shoulder that ‘she is a gift to her.’

WTF!

How is that straight? How is that something you say to your best friend?

I think my best friend and I have been through some shit together, health issues, and all. But at no point did I turn and say this to her. Am I thankful she’s in my life and I hope the same is true for her? Absolutely! Is she a gift to me?

No.

That’s too fucking intimate.

Like no.

It’s not a thing I would say to her and that woman got me through a stint in the hospital with my foot bolted back on. Talking to me while I was loopy from pain meds and throughout the night when I couldn’t fucking sleep!

Gift? Nope, that’d be weird to say.

Who is a gift to me?

The woman I text every day about all the little mundane shit running through my head. All the weird things I don’t tell anyone else. The one who watched like six episodes of Xena with me in one day. Who I shared my writing with while I was working on it. Who I feel safe and warm and comfortable with and want with me every fucking second of every day.

She’s a gift to me.

But guess what? I’m in love with her and I call her my girlfriend.

So, um, Xena? You’re in love with Gabrielle!

I’m getting the sense I have two useless lesbians pining away. One knowingly. The other unknowingly, because Gabrielle was far too thrilled with that statement.

Most people not interested in a romantic thing would take a step back. It might not be flattering or wanted. It might be weird as hell actually.

Context.

Level of intimacy.

Level of affection.

Of interest.

All of these play a role in how things will be received when said to another person.

In this case, something romantic as fuck was said, and the other person smiled like they were in love.

Yep, they’re gone for each other. Thanks for coming to my lecture.

On the flip side, there’s Gabrielle who doesn’t know she’s lost in love with her best friend, but does know something else.

She could literally ask for anything and Xena will try to give it to her.

Gabrielle asked knowing full well, there was a huge change Xena would give in to her request to do this without violence and do some good in a different way. And after she’s discouraged, Xena defends her plan even though it is absolutely insane.

Because it is.

Let’s dress up as the Three Fates and trick an old man into doing the right thing while we convince Santa Claus to stop hiding in the corner. Only doing the right thing if no one notices. While we rescue a donkey and then give him to Jesus I believe, which will replace out faith one day in the world as the predominant thing. While Xena essentially professes her love to Gabrielle and Gabrielle is pleased by the thing.

I mean, yeah. Totally normal plot.

For this show.

Overall, it’s a wacky Christmas episode.

Xena’s Chakram is stolen and used to top a tree. A Christmas Carol is revisited. Santa becomes Santa. I’m flabbergasted by how he managed to get the goat’s mouth to open and make noise given the time period. Or am I supposed to not mind that given the craziness of the show?

Either way, this episode is a wild ride from start to finish and I loved every minute of it!

Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my podcast page for more queer storytelling!

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