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Where was Gabrielle bitten?

No, I’m serious. Go back and watch the episode. There were bite marks unless you turned into the thing, right?

Am I confused?

Did I miss something? Because if she wasn’t bitten on the neck, um where was she bitten that no one noticed?

Gabrielle, um, I have something to tell you. You’re gay. Like super gay. Why else would you stop to dance with those women? Or go downstairs in the first place? Did you see them?

This is insane.

How did this episode air?

First, I don’t know where she was bitten, but I got to tell you I don’t think it was the neck. Not by a long shot.

Second, let’s talk about how Xena turned into a freaking vampire.

Like who reacts like that when they’re getting bitten?

Didn’t the other two guys scream like they were being attacked? From my perspective it looked like Xena was enjoying herself.

This bite was a good time.

Also, how stupid is the bad guy?

The only thing that can kill me is one of my own! Now join me! To kill me.

He had it coming. For damn sure. Like what even was that? What did he think was going to happen? She was going to be a good little vampire?

Hasn’t anyone figured out by now the only person Xena follows is Gabrielle.

Who Xena was willing to let all the vampires run wild just to get back. Supposed to go this way to save the day? Screw that, I’m going to save Gabrielle instead. Everyone and everything else be damned, even if she was trying to prove to him that she’s a better person now. Or had nothing to do with his wife’s death.

Which let’s face it, she kind of did.

If she didn’t have an army, then there wouldn’t have been something to get caught in the middle of. She clearly feels some guilt over this matter too, but she also refuses to take all of it.

Which is fair, because the vampire things definitely helped with the death.

Now, I read that this episode won something for the sheer cinema of this episode.

But, what was everyone smoking in the 90s? Not only to like this camera movements and spiraling shots, but to come up with them for a perspective in the first place? Like damn.

It was some good shit, I would think.

Overall, it’s amazing cinematography, but it also gave me a headache. Sometimes, it was overstimulating to watch.

Which I think may have been the point, to prove how disorientating the vamps were.

But due to it, I’m not sure this episode will be marked a rewatch episode for me since it was just too jarring from scene to scene as we dealt with the baddies and how they moved.

Which is too bad, because it has some of the juiciest Gabreille and Xena’s moments.

At the start of the episode when Joxer is being chased by wolves, Xena pressed Gabrielle behind her. Firmly.

Like quite firmly.

Like an unnecessary amount for someone who can defend herself fairly well at this point.

Like on the other side was a tree.

No one was going to touch Gabrielle in that moment.

I also loved that this meant Joxer was totally alone in defending himself, despite all his rantings and ravings about being a warrior – he’s clearly not. Which means Xena gave zero craps about his well being. Only worried about Gabrielle’s.

Pressing her entire body against Gabrielle to keep her firmly pinned against the tree.

Again, I think it was unnecessary.

Shoving Gabrielle behind her should have been enough. Right?

Like did you also need to shove your butt and hips against her to keep her pinned to the tree? Were you afraid she’d run?

Would she?

No. She cares about you and she’s never run from a fight.

Would the wolves get to her?

With you right in front with them in front of you and a tree on the other side of her?

I freaking doubt it!

It was overkill! I’m calling it.

And if Xena was a man, so would everyone else!

Moving on to the next point.

The moment Xena noticed that Gabrielle was turning. She turned into the biggest softie I’ve ever seen!

Like forget that everything else fell to the wayside when Xena realized that Gabrielle had run off to become a vampire for all eternity.

Let’s talk about the pain and softness on her face in that moment as she realized what happened in the cemetery.

So hurt and confused and soft as she tried to reach Gabrielle underneath.

So soft in a way we never see Xena unless she’s around people she loves. Her brothers. Her mother. Her son.

Her romantic interest. Yes, I’m talking about Gabrielle. No, I will not be taking any other theories on the matter.

Thank you.

Overall, this episode was gay AF.

And somehow it graced our screens in the 90s. With a bunch of executives dubbing this straight and no one else noticing that Xena is so far gone for Gabrielle.

Damn.

Onto to next week’s episode!

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