Amac Productions

Xena has sand in her unmentionables…

Perdicas is dead.

After I said the first time through that he was one of their love interests who didn’t die, the writers came for him a second time!

And the minute he actually married Gabrielle they signed his fate because no way we were keeping a husband around.

It’s bad enough that Joxer has died yet.

When he reappeared to announce that Callisto was back, I groaned. No…

I thought Gabrielle ditched him the last episode. Give us some peace for a little while. But nope. Here he is.

With Perdicas whose man-paining about something the entire episode because he’s killed people and he can’t do it anymore. Which he opts to do at the worst possible time, like in the middle of a fight. He breaks down and can’t begin to defend himself or the woman he claims to love because Gabrielle is in trouble three feet from him.

But hey, as long as he can brood in peace who cares right?

We were supposed to like him?

Because I swore up and down the entire episode the moment, he married Gabrielle and she randomly decided to say yes, another thing I’m annoyed over. He wasn’t making it out of this episode alive.

At all.

I watched this with my girlfriend and I said it to her. Repeatedly.

The only moment I was surprised by was after Callisto cut him down, rightfully so since he tried to reason with crazy. Something you cannot do. At all. She slashed him and I was like, he’s dead.

That’s that.

Then the fool got up again.

And I was like oh shit was I wrong or something?

I barely managed to say it to her before Callisto just charged him and stabbed him right in the stomach.

Also, by the way, I think there was a solid half minute there where Xena could have done something to save him. I’m just saying. Like she was between Callisto and Gabrielle and that’s all that mattered to her.

Besides if Perdicas dies, it’s not the worst thing. Right Xena?

Gabrielle will be single again and traveling with you.

Life will be grand!

Then there’s the yes, which bothers me.

Because Gabrielle said no. She told Xena she was going to say no. She admitted to Xena that she doesn’t feel as comfortable around anyone as she does Xena. Even Perdicas.

That’s what I heard.

But she still says yes because of his guilty ridden man pain.

Which also, Perdicas, get over yourself.

Xena was a warlord and manages to get up everyday. You fought in a war and defended yourself and your beliefs. That’s not the same. I firmly believe that if you take a life defending yourself, you should absolve yourself.

You were trying to survive, and I don’t think there’s any guilt in survival.

See Sara Lance if you’re wondering what I’ll excuse for a character. I think she and Xena would get along well.

But she says yes in a twist that makes no sense because she was going to say no. Something she already said no to in the pilot. A quiet life married to Perdicas.

Why would you choose it now?

Are you bored? You’ve had your fill?

You’d hate it in five minutes and run away to find Xena again. I don’t believe for one second this was going to last in anyway.

Also, who chooses to name their kid after their best friend? Like it’s a little weird how attached she is to Xena if you don’t take in a romantic context.

Like I’m that attached to my girl.

But I have romantic feelings for her, so it makes sense to me.

Nothing about this made sense.

And now, I’m sure you’ve all been wondering how I haven’t mentioned this tidbit yet – THEY KISSED.

Who does that?

What is happening?

How is that platonic?

I don’t want to kiss people I’m not interested in. I barely want to hug them. Is this a normal behavoir? Because at no point in my life no matter what was happening have I ever kiss my friends on the lips in congratulations.

On the cheek? Sure.

Lips? No.

That’s reserved for romance and people I’m romantically interested in.

And no, I don’t care about the time or the custom or whatever BS someone wants to say to me about. There’s no straight explanation for the kiss or that entire scene.

Because for that entire scene Xena looks like someone is shoving a hot poker in her eye!

She looks close to throwing up or curling into the fetal position and sobbing.

She looked sick to her stomach.

Holding onto to a tough face every time Gabrielle looked at her.

That little goodbye after telling Gabrielle not to say goodbye. She wasn’t planning on seeing her ever again. She couldn’t go knock on their door to see Gabrielle happily married to someone else while having kids and a whole life with them while Xena is forced to live without her to atone for her crimes.

Nope.

No.

No.

Nothing straight.

Nothing.

Xena was in pain watching someone she loved marry someone else.

And I don’t think Gabrielle truly grasped what she was doing. That this was going to be forever.

And then there’s every moment after he died.

I was annoyed that Gabrielle was sooooo sad.

Like come on. You were married for five seconds. Mourn him as a longtime friend. But as a husband? No.

No.

Like I get being sad because of his brutal murder right in front of you someone you do truly care about. But not so much in a lover sense, since you ran from him. You choose not to marry him more than once. And you weren’t married long enough to mourn him as a husband.

It’s been five minutes. Cool it.

I don’t buy it.

I don’t buy her wanting to kill Callisto and not taking her own advice that was weird.

However, I do love that Xena didn’t try to save Callisto.

Saw her sinking right there in the sand and thought, fuck it. The world is better off if I let her fall further and further into the sand. She’ll be gone. Gabrielle will be forced to move on.

The world is safer.

I agree with that choice.

For sure.

The only good thing Joxer did was get the Chakram to Xena. However, I fully believe she would have figured something out either way.

Now, after all that, I have one question – how did Callisto eat or go to the bathroom in that thing? How many guards did you need to give her a potty break?

Yikes. I don’t want that job.

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