Amac Productions

Why?

I need Carina and Maya on my screen at the same time and in the same place, happy and in love. Is that too much to ask for?

I don’t think so.

I mean, the angst is good and all. But I really can’t wait for the payoff. Hopefully, it’s a good payoff. I have trust issues with this show.

Whatever.

As I said before, I will not review the whole episode, just the parts with Maya and Carina.

I find it endlessly adorable that Carina is back to as she said last season finding any excuse to come to the station to see Maya. It was so damn cute.

Not to mention, the way her whole being shifted when she realized Maya wasn’t there.

She was so sad.

Let my favorite couple be happy! Gah!

I loved that Carina didn’t even bother to try and hide it from Vic either. She just went with ‘guilty.’ I’m totally here to sneak a peek at my wife.

I also loved Carina’s confused description of how they’re going about their relationship right now, because things are tenuous, but they are married and have a lot of history at this point. And it makes it all so confusing and complicated.

Especially given the rest of Carina’s scenes.

Like last week, we are treated to the inner workings of Carina’s mind through this situation.

Last week, we learned she believed Maya when she said they were done.

This week, we learn that Carina is still completely in love with her wife but is struggling with whether or not she can trust giving her heart to Maya again.

She wants to know if Maya is making progress, clinically, because if Maya is, it means this is less likely to happen again in the future. Even if Maya is still putting her job first, at least she won’t treat Carina like dirt or run herself in to the ground.

I think Carina is wondering if that will be enough for her.

Like the woman who had an antler in her stomach.

She wondered if her husband was enough to give up her love of the city.

Carina is wondering if it’s worth it to give up wanting to come first to Maya because she’s so in love with her.

But as she reveals when she breaks down in the barn, she’s not sure. She keeps coming back to the same thing over and over, ‘am I setting myself up for more heartbreak?’

If she chooses to love Maya, to get back together with her, and continue their life together – is she going to end up crying in this barn again while trying to convince her wife’s therapist to give her some hope?

I totally understand Carina.

I’ve been so invested in how she’s feeling since the whole Pam thing, because she’s been hurting for months! She’s let Maya push her away and taken all the horribleness for months. Her needs, her wants, and everything she’s been feeling have been pushed to the side by her wife. The person who promised to be there and choose her forever.

She felt like Maya left her months ago.

Only to be topped by Maya giving her a shove out the door.

Her Maya, the one who helped her when her brother died, who did the whole list, got her to scream, held her while she slept, the one who declared she wanted to hold a little version of her wife, the one is her rock, and is her only family left, has been cruel for months.

I don’t blame her for any choices she’s made to protect herself.

I love them actually.

Her scenes around Diana were amazing, as she tried to find some hope that if she gave in because she’s so in love with this frustrating woman that this time will be different. She won’t find herself in this position again.

And thank freaking goodness for Diana (in general) but here specifically because someone finally told Carina that Maya isn’t doing all this for her job.

I honestly yelled when Diane revealed that tidbit.

It was something Carina desperately needed to hear from someone other than Maya and her friends.

Maya’s friends would protect Maya. They’d tell Carina anything to keep her around for Maya’s sake.

Even the little moment with Vic is tinged with it. She wants them to be together because she knows how much Maya loves Carina. Yes, she loves Carina too. But Maya is first and foremost because their ‘family’ (whole other can of worms, yes I’m aware.)

And Carina might not believe Maya, because it’ll feel like she’s just ticking off boxes or saying whatever she has to, to get Carina to come home.

Whereas Diane – has no skin in the game.

She’s an impartial third party whose job revolves around keeping people’s brains healthy.

She wouldn’t lie or handhold just to make someone feel better. She tells the truth. Sometimes, a harsh truth that needs to be said.

However, in this case, Diane delivers a kind truth.

Maya is working on herself.

Not for work.

Not just for her own sake.

But for her marriage, her wife.

A comment that brings Carina peace for the first time in a long time. For the first time, she hears that Maya is doing something for her. Her wife is actively making Carina a priority.

Something Carina hasn’t felt from Maya in months.

When I saw that Diane and Carina were going to be in this episode together, I knew she was going to be the one to tell Carina, that Maya was doing this for her wife. I knew there would be someway to get there so Carina could hear that Maya loves her.

Should have put money on it.

Oh well.

As for Maya this episode I loved her cute nerves when it came to dealing with her wife.

She doesn’t know what to say. They’re talking, but I’m guessing based on what we see her text at the end and what Maya’s says, is that it’s all very superficial. Surface-level exchanges, like ‘have a good day’ or ‘good morning’ or ‘goodnight.’

Nothing real or deep while they try to feel things out.

It’s cute.

Because it’s so clear that Maya wants to say everything on her mind. She wants to tell her wife all the things she should have been saying for months and beg her to come home. But she also doesn’t want to push Carina further away.

So, she’s stuck with small talk.

Nervous small talk.

As she carefully plots out every word so she doesn’t offend her wife.

I loved that Ben and Bailey have been such supporters, considering from what little I’ve seen, they have a fairly healthy relationship.

I also loved Ben’s speech to Maya.

Yes, she messed up.

But she didn’t force Beckett to drink when he shouldn’t.

He has his part and she has hers.

All in all, I like the slow burn even if it’s driving me crazy. Because it is. I just want them to be happy.

I also want Beckett, Ross, and Sullivan to go far, far away. Along with Eli and Dixon. From the little I’ve seen, I hate them all.

Oh, and who’s going to tell Maya and Ben that their wives are under siege at Grey Sloan?

Not it!

As always, thanks for reading! Please like, comment, subscribe, and drop a tip!

Spread the love and read on!