Amac Productions

This Is Not a Library

They take returns, sure. But it is not part of the ongoing process on a daily basis like a library. They want every book to be returned to them or for you to pay a small fee for the book so they can get another copy to lend to people. It’s inherently part of the process that lends a book.

You borrow it. Implying that the establishment wants it back.

A store on the other hand, usually desires that none of the items return to them. That would be an ideal day without a single return. They don’t want the products back.

They possess more than a handful of copies of a book for you to purchase so there’s enough for all the customers. Or they’ll order it for you.

At a library, you go on a wait list for the book. Because someone else has it. But they’ll bring it back and then it’ll be your turn.

Not like a store.

You don’t take a turn with a book.

You buy it. It’s yours now. The store doesn’t want it back.

Now, I’m a reasonable f*cking person. If there’s a problem with the copy of the book, I will happily get you another one. For example, missing chapters. Chapters out of order. Printing errors are always acceptable. I will for sure grab you another copy. Order you another. Find it in another location. Whatever it takes, I’ll help you out. Not a problem.

Have a duplicate that you didn’t realize? Sure. No problem. That happens. I get it. We’ll give you your money back or help you find an exchange. It’s not an issue.

I’m sure there are other valid reasons I’m forgetting.

However, there is one reason that I’m never okay with.

On this such day at the General Nonsense, I’m summoned to the front registers as a manager to help with a return.

In that moment, I knew I was f*cked.

Because my coworker didn’t say approve a return, help with a outside the return window, or specify an issue.

Nope.

They just said come help me.

Their voice urgent and frustrated. Meaning they’ve already tried explaining something to the customer and they did not care for what the cashier had to say.

I take a deep breath and head to the front.

My cashier shoots me a look the minute I step behind the register like this is the last thing in the world she wants to be dealing with right now because this customer is being ‘intentionally thick.’ Bracing myself, I step up and put on my best customer service voice.

If you’ve ever worked in retail, you know the one.

I sound fake as hell.

And if you’ve never worked in retail, but you’ve been a pain to the workers at a store – you know the voice as well. It was just used on you instead.

I ask what the problem is, glancing between the customer and the cashier.

Sometimes, it’s a toss-up who explains things to me. Some cashiers let the customer get their peace out before they explain what the actual issue is to me. Sometimes, the customers are totally chill and let the cashier explain without any input from them.

I like those customers.

Because I’ll get a quick explanation that covers everything, I need to know so I can solve it efficiently.

Customers who feel the urge to put their two cents in, tend to start their explanation with their birth.

All the things I just don’t need to know.

“Well, you see I was born in a log cabin and then my Pop-Pop dropped four logs on my head and that’s how it all started with my life as a Karen.”

One of those things.

Like I don’t need to know your whole life that has brought you to this moment. Like a quick summary will do. Just a little, ‘I want to return this because I’m a moron.’ That will suffice.

I promise.

But no.

My cashier opens her mouth to explain the situation, but the conversation is hijacked by the customer.

Which is helpful in its own way. When I’m not sure what kind of situation I’m walking into, it helps to let everyone tell me where they’re at. If the customer interrupts and goes full Karen without letting anyone else speak or explain what’s happened – I get a really good idea what I’m dealing with.

If the customer is calm and chill, lets my cashier fill me in. I assume this will be an easier situation.

Karen here is anything but chill.

She starts explaining to me that she bought this book over a month ago. Which is confirmed by the receipt my coworker slips into my hand while Karen babbles at us.

I’m half listening as I glance at the receipt to confirm this.

It’s outside the return window.

Fine.

It’s not a huge issue. If you can give me a good reason for the return, I won’t knock you on the late by a week thing. Life is crazy and sometimes you can’t get to the store to return something. Maybe you just realized you already had it. Or you finally picked it up to read it and noticed that the first seven chapters are missing. Not that bad, I’m with you. I’ll help.

Nope. This is not the reason Karen wants to return the book.

I pick up the book to inspect it as she continues explaining why she’s here and that she doesn’t understand why this is a problem because she has the receipt.

The out of date one. I think to myself.

Receipt or not, I do not have to honor the return policy because you missed the deadline. I am well within my rights to tell you to screw.

I look at the book and realize the spine is worn, like someone had read the book. Left it open on its face instead of using a bookmark. Possibly placed into a bag to be taken with them. Like a well-read book.

I frown.

Our policy also says that the book must be in sellable condition upon its return.

Not only is it out of the return policy date, but it’s also not in sellable condition.

I stop the Karen cold by pointing out the condition of the book. To which she finally reveals the reason for the return. “I read it. But I didn’t like it, so I want my money back.”

That’s like going to a restaurant ordering something to eat and eating it all, only to demand a refund because you didn’t like it. Well, why’d you eat it?

Why’d you read it all if you didn’t like it?

“And I don’t think I should have to pay for a book I didn’t like.”

The entitlement.

I blinked at the customer. I’d like to say I’m surprised by this. But I distinctly remember not being surprised by the audacity of this woman.

Like – yeah nope, not even surprised.

Let’s handle this now, shall we?

“I understand. However, we will not be taking it back.” That was my answer, plain and simple.

I remember my cashier turning to me like this was what she had said and as well. But before she could say anything, Karen imploded from rage.

Her face turned red and she sputtered for a moment before yelling at me. There was a lot of Karen BS coming out of her claiming that I could not possibly understand her if I wasn’t going to complete the return. And blah, blah, blah.

At this point, I don’t even remember the gist anymore.

It all started to sound like the adults from the Charlie Brown cartoon where it’s just noise being hefted at me.

The only thing I do remember was the utter shock on my cashier, who half slipped behind me in an attempt to hide from the Karen. I did not blame them either.

I would have hidden or left too if I could.

But I was trying to be a good manager. Being an asshole in return would only create problems for my store manager and I like her too much to do that.

Therefore, I let Karen rant her little heart out.

She must have realized that while my cashier was afraid of this barrage of noise, it had little effect on me. I’ve been through one too many Karen shitstorms, you learn to tune them out, and tune back in when they get quiet.

With her little tirade over, face still red, and huffing at me. I’m certain she thought she should get what she wanted. However, I simply responded calmly.

“We’re not a library. If this is how you’d like to read books without worry of money, I suggest using those instead of a store. Your return is out of the window and it’s not in sellable condition. Therefore, a return is not feasible. Have a nice day.”

I truly thought she was going to combust.

My coworker ducked behind me.

She told me I was rude and unhelpful, and she would never shop here again.

I merely explained we have an establishment in society that does exactly what you wish. Allow you take and return books without worrying about money or trying to pretend that this is a legit return. They don’t ask questions or care. Just bring the damn book back.

She left the building annoyed with me, and I left a note for my boss explaining the situation.

Our Area Manager got a call and told her I was right – it’s not a library. Try one of those. Bet you’ll like it.

Karens.

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