Amac Productions

One of my favorite things about Xena, nothing is off the table.

You want a weird episode? They’ve got you covered.

Always.

And no level of crazy is off the table.

You want an episode where Ares pleads his case against Xena to some dancing, sexy furies, and they agree with him. Which leads them to drive her mad and have her hunted down by anyone willing. During which Xena somehow manages to save herself while also discovering her father was murdered by her mother. At least, her possible father, because there’s the seeded thought that it might be Ares.

Which, ew.

Ew!

EW!

EW!

I cannot stress that enough given how often he flirted with her these past two season. Also, welcome, we’re in season three now. Which my girlfriend assures me is filled with angst. A lot of angst. An extreme amount of angst.

I’m not ready and she’s delighted, so yeah. That’s my life.

Back to the episode.

Which I’m not sure what the Furies would like Xena to do. I mean, the idea is that because her father’s death went unpunished, she needs to be punished until she corrects the error. Someone before her, took it to mean killing the one responsible.

Which we learn is not the right answer.

Are we supposed to have a trail? Turn her mother into the authorities? I mean, excuse me ladies, what is the right answer in this situation?

Also, I don’t think we can blame Xena’s mom for killing him either since he planned to murder Xena.

Like if I’m the mom, I do what I have to, to protect my child.

I don’t think you could really punish her for that.

The man went out to get something to kill his daughter while she slept and the mother went out to stop him. She had few choices and did what she could to protect her daughter. If someone is going to fault her for that, well, I don’t know how to help you understand you’re just wrong.

But then in her crazed mind, Xena works out killing Mommy Dearest isn’t the right answer. Instead, she decides to convince the Furies her father isn’t dead. In fact, he’s immortal.

Ares.

The myth of Ares taking the form of his soldiers to seduce their wives while they’re away, is effectively used because Xena’s mother brought it up so innocently. So casually, that it got in Xena’s brain.

She gets Gabrielle to ‘do the bard thing.’

Ares can’t even deny the truth of the story which doesn’t help him.

It fits with Xena’s dad coming from the temple, probably hearing that story for himself, and doing some math. He thinks it might be possible and seeks to kill his daughter before anything can happen, or anyone finds out.

It fits.

And it doesn’t.

Like the story of Xena is different to Hercules for a reason.

We weren’t telling the story of another demigod. We were telling the story of a warlord turned good, trying to redeem herself. She isn’t inherently special because of her birth, but because of who she forges herself into.

I love that premise, so for me, I don’t really believe Ares is her father.

I think she’s too stubborn to lose a fight. Even to a god.

And god or not, they are not unbeatable.

The Furies buying it, suits Xena’s purpose. I don’t think she even believes it.

But I do think it’s interesting to connect it back to what Ares said in season one. “What is a father, Xena?”

He pretended to be her dear old dad and claims that in a way, he is like her father. He shaped and molded a part of Xena. The warrior. Even if they hadn’t met prior to the series. He’s done an awful lot to get her back and fighting under his name.

There’s clearly some truth to the argument whether by blood or not.

And I like it.

Because it adds an awful dynamic to their already f*cked up relationship.

Simply amazing.

Now, for the absolute best part of the episode, “I still don’t know what you see in her.”

Ares shouts this across the temple of The Furies about Gabrielle, who merely smirks in response to his words. Carrying on out of the temple with Xena all smug and satisfied.

What in the world am I watching?

This is supposed to be subtext. I think the writers need to look up the definition of the word, because this is not subtext.

I’m okay with it.

Don’t get me wrong. I love it.

I’m still trying to understand how people watched this and came away thinking this was such a strong female friendship. Which is the base of the relationship, but there’s a romance there too.

I don’t think those words have ever been used in a context without romance.

It’s inherently a thing to say to someone about their romantic partner. I don’t know how else to take it.

So there’s that.

There’s also the start of the episode and all the flirting that happens. As Xena and Gabrielle make a bet about racing with Gabrielle allowed to take a lead to make it fair. She cheats starting early and Xena takes it all in good stride.

She even pauses for another moment before kicking Gabrielle’s ass.

I love that even though Gabrielle joked about the sword being pulled on her, she didn’t really seem to take it as a threat. She joked. She wasn’t really worried.

Until she finds a group of people plotting to kill them behind her.

You know, another average day for them.

They discover a bounty on Xena’s head and her madness kicks in as well.

Which turns Xena into a hilarious child, Gabrielle is forced to corral at various points.

It’s amazingly hilarious. And while Gabrielle is confused and worried and figures things out to an extent. At no point is she worried that Xena will hurt her.

Be a little crazy? Sure.

Go off without clothes? Why not?

Ride the horse backward? Yep.

Hurt Gabrielle? Never.

It’s interesting because I think there’s a point where Xena’s own mother is worried about herself, that Xena will kill her. Gives in and accepts that fate.

However, there is never a part of Gabrielle that worries for herself.

Worried about Xena? Her mother? The wellbeing of the world should Xena slip into complete madness? Oh, for sure.

Herself? Never.

Xena doesn’t ever become a threat to her.

Silly and puppy like? Yep.

She rubs against Gabrielle, steps into her space more often, and does odd things but never to hurt her. Instead, she seems like a sick puppy cuddling up to their favorite person. Which essentially, is exactly what’s happening.

After the pilot or all their years of hurt, Xena doesn’t have the best relationship with her mother. There are cracks she just doesn’t have with Gabrielle.

She finds calm and safety in Gabrielle.

Even in the depths of madness, she uses it to keep herself somewhat sane. Grounded.

Like that moment when she’s naked and screaming at the villagers, Gabrielle talks her off that ledge of madness. Takes her back to their camp.

A wonderful episode.

And I loved the tidbit of the priest bringing rotten fruit to the temple. Something Xena feels compelled to share so abruptly in the middle of her crazed rambling. The delivery by Lucy Lawless was amazing. I love it.

I also loved the head fury who leans over to the priest and is like we’re going to talk about this.

Then he sniffs and checks it as everyone leaves like he had no clue. How could you not know man?

You’re in charge of the temple.

I wouldn’t piss off the furies.

I’m not Xena, I’m not escaping unscathed.

And as always, I enjoy a good Ares thwarting episode. He tries so hard and yet still cannot manage to beat Xena. Even when half her wits are missing.

Dude, you should give up.

I mean, I know you won’t because you’re not that bright, but dude. Have some self-respect and understand, you will never win.

I say that, but I still have like four more seasons, and I have a girlfriend delighting over the upcoming delicious angst.

I’m not ready. Someone help me.

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