Xena Warrior Princess: Hooves And Harlots – Review

Hello, yes. I’d like a TV show that gets crazier with every episode I watch please and thank you.

What even is this show?

I have no clue, but I hope it never changes as I go.

Well, maybe if it gets crazier!

Thank you so much for bearing with me while I have been recovering! I’ll try to get everything back to my normal schedule from here on out!

Alright, let’s dive right in.

Seriously, though.

What did I watch?

Gabrielle became an Amazon?

I loved Xena’s face so much.

“What’s this?” “I’m an Amazon Princess.”

Xena was just like, sure, yeah. This would happen with you around. Moving on.

Please, someone tell me how a blue arrow on the back of a random centaur, can convict him to death, but random poop from a horse doesn’t clear him?

They both seemed equally vague. Didn’t they?

I went through the entire episode like, everyone is unreasonable.

And that cracked me up.

Both sides are all, we don’t want to go to war. But we’re only going to choose the options that lead to exactly that.

Liars.

If you don’t want to go to war, try talking to each other instead of just killing people and storming villages. Just a thought.

I did love how the centaur leader was begrudgingly annoyed with Xena’s existence there.

It’s like he’s annoyed that she’s on the right side of the world now. He wants to hate her, but he respects her as a warrior and an opponent. Doesn’t mean they’re friends though.

I love the way this show handles moments like that.

Xena is bound to come across people she’s wronged.

I love that she doesn’t shy away from that. She leans into it.

You’re right. I was terrible. I’m trying to do better. Don’t make the mistakes I did.

And we have people who won’t forgive her for what happened, and they don’t have to. He has every right to not want to forget. But I like that he won’t hold it against who Xena is becoming.

She saved his son.

They can move forward.

He’ll never forget, but he won’t try to kill her on sight.

I loved the scene when the centaurs want the Amazon Queen and Xena strolls forward and just drops her weapons. She’s like, nope we’re not fighting today.

Then we have the rest of the Amazons who have just gotten a new queen, watch her toss her weapons, and follow suit. I love how they captured their honor.

Because they accepted the outcome of the fight without hesitation.

But – uh, isn’t Gabrielle the Queen? Xena was just fighting in her place. Not for herself.

Just wondering.

Either way.

I loved how Renee played that moment. She just chucked Xena’s weapons like they were going to bite her. It made me laugh so hard.

I miss things silly little things on TV.

When people were just silly.

Now, I think I’ve been ranting for a while that Gabrielle needs to defend herself because Xena can’t do it forever.

And now, here we are.

She’s been gifted with her own weapon.

Courtesy of her fellow Amazon, Ephiany.

Who I adore.

I love how annoyed and amused and respectful she was with Gabrielle.

Like this new little irritation isn’t that bad, but also she is.

I adored the choice of a staff. A show from the 90s actually decided to follow it’s on continuity by following up that Gabrielle doesn’t like using swords. They make you a target. She doesn’t want to kill.

And while a staff in the right hands as demonstrated by Ephiany and Xena can be dangerous. It can also just be used to defend oneself.

A perfect choice. I love it.

As for Xena and Gabrielle in this episode.

Their relationship is just so much fun for me.

I love that the hero worship is disappearing bit by bit. Like Gabrielle in episode one, wouldn’t have said a word about the poop. But now, she glared at her friend. She yelled at her.

She offered advice.

But Xena just brushed her away, knowing Gabrielle wouldn’t take it too personally. It’s just how Xena is.

She still follows her blindly. Like tossing the weapons like they were on fire.

But she doesn’t tell her everything.

Like the right of caste.

There were some growing pains here as they try to coexist.

But I love that.

It’s not all sunshine and roses.

They fight, they annoy each other, but they’re always there.

Ephiany’s little wonder of how does Xena put up with her and Xena’s little smirk.

I think what is interesting to learn from this, is everything Xena doesn’t say.

Because I think the truth of the matter is – Gabrielle doesn’t bother her.

The talking, the endless questions, the opinions, her cause for getting herself into sticky situations, or even just tossing herself onto a random person to protect her from a hail of arrows.

It doesn’t really faze Xena.

She likes those things.

And I don’t think she’s ever had that before. Where someone doesn’t annoy her somehow. So she doesn’t know how to voice it.

How does she explain that Gabrielle doesn’t annoy her? Doesn’t take up her energy? That protecting her doesn’t get old?

How do you explain that nothing about Gabrielle truly bothers her? That her life is better because she’s around filling the space. Reminding her of the good in the world.

Why she’s changed sides. Why she fights to protect people.

I love this show and I can’t wait for more!