Use at your own risk!
You’ve been warned!
10. THE DUMP
Ew! Why would anyone ever take a date here? A place filled with things people don’t want anymore. The metaphor or symbolism might be too much.
You might be saying that you’re not interested in a serious relationship with anyone.
Or worse, you could give off serial killer vibes and this will be your date’s final resting place forcing your date to use their pepper spray or taser.
Really, just avoid this one.
9. PRISON
This is not for those in prison already! If you’re there, you have little choice in venue, so make the best of it!
Nope, this is for people free and clear, both of them. And one takes the other to jail to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Are you trying to tell the other person that you’re in it for the long haul?
There have to be better ways than to bring them to jail. Try buying them a plastic ball and chain if you have such a twisted outlook on life.
Or maybe an engagement ring.
A love letter?
Something other than prison.
8. A BANK HEIST
Again, this is not for criminal couples like Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. You do you!
This is for someone planning to unknowingly take their date on a heist! What are you thinking? Have you learned nothing from the Me Too movement?
Consent is key!
It is important to discuss all law breaking activities beforehand, discuss safe words, escape plans, and so forth.
If you’re going to be a crime couple Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn are couple goals. Read a few of their comics beforehand. Get some tips on how to have a successful criminal relationship.
7. A SWAMP
This is an interesting choice, I must admit.
Not sure what you’re going for here. My advice, wear waterproof shoes and careful where you step!
Oh, wait!
Are you thinking of The Princess Bride here? Like a fire swamp sort of thing? This could be interesting.
Just watch out for giant rats. Bring some spray or a sword or a torch or something to keep yourselves safe in there!
6. A HOSPITAL
Once more, not for those who are already in the hospital when Valentine’s Day rolls around.
This is for someone who actively chooses to celebrate in the hospital.
I mean, this could be one way to say, ‘I’m sick of you.’
Or if you’re a doctor, a way to say I work too much and value you my job more than you, but don’t worry I can afford 15 kids and a giant home. So, it evens out.
Good luck with this one.
5. A GRAVEYARD
Odds are you’re not Buffy or as cool as Buffy, therefore you cannot pull off this date location. Leave the graveyard for Buffy and her various love interests.
4. SEWER
I’m certain you’ll see the most interesting side of humanity down there.
Like all the things your neighbors flush that they shouldn’t.
Or maybe you’ll find The Lizard or Mike Rowe! Maybe you’ll find what you had for last Valentine’s Day dinner!
Seriously, unless you’re Angela from Bones married to Hodgins AKA the bugs and slime guy, no one wants to go down there.
Unless – of course – you are married or dating or with a bugs and slime person, then again I will point out, consent is key.
3. ELEMENTRY SCHOOL
This is for people who don’t have kids, know kids, or have a good a reason to be around a school.
Just no.
This will not send any good message.
And even if you and…
No!
2. THEIR OWN HOME
I mean, don’t take your date to their own home and expect them to cook!
Don’t invite yourself into their home and make yourself comfortable. Especially if you haven’t been dating long!
Also, this goes for the people out there who have been together forever!
Take them out for a night on the town. See a movie! Sit in the backyard! Go for a drive! Do something special!
Unless they’re a shut-in or literally cannot go outside, then don’t be cruel!
1. WEDDING
Nothing says creepy or stalker or ‘I’m that guy from You’ like planning your wedding or deciding to get married on your Valentine’s Date! Especially, if you’ve just started dating!
Or maybe you’re trying to How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
I don’t know your life!
All in all, here’s some good advice for this Valentine’s Day, consent is key, no means no, and always be respectful to the person you’re with!
Please remember everything on this list is meant to be a joke and not taken seriously. Thanks for reading!
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