Amac Productions

Welcome to Listen To This!

If you’re new here, welcome! Every month, I’ll drop a new wild story from all my years working in retail! Names and other identifiers have been changed so everyone may remain anonymous. All terrible customers will be referred to as Karen.

On with the show!

You know, some people think there’s nothing cozier in the world than curling up with a book on a rainy day?

You know what I mean?

It’s a shitty day outside. The rain is coming down softly, you can hear the droplets hitting the roof, the windows, and the puddles outside. You’re curled up underneath a blanket. A warm soft, cozy blanket, with a nice drink. Maybe a nice hot coffee or a hot chocolate to help warm you from the inside.

Maybe a nice crackling fire. Either in a real fireplace or on a computer with soothing music and sounds to make a nice cozy atmosphere. An engrossing book in your lap and nowhere to be.

Sounds lovely right?

Can you close your eyes and picture that?

Can you see it?

Well, guess what? That’s not how my f*cking day went at the General Nonsense.

I mean, sure, we’ve got books. We’ve got rain. We’ve got music playing in the background. But you know what that image doesn’t have?

Rain. Inside.

Inside. Yes, you read that correctly.

Lovely rainy day and I’m wishing I could spend it curled up with a nice book by a window listening to the rain, a nice blanket, and quite possibly my kitty curled up in my lap. It could be a great day.

It could be wonderful.

Instead, I’m at work. Meaning I’ve trudged through the dreary weather which looks much nicer inside than outside in it.

Just saying.

I arrived at work much soggier than I wished to be for the day. Went into the General Nonsense like I do, you know. That walk into work when you’re wishing to be doing something else.

Headed for the office to punch in and was met with a sight that was new and not new all at the same time.

I mean, the building leaks.

It happens. They scrap the roof free of snow in the winter, wreck the roof, and cause leaks during the other three seasons. Happens.

It’s just a matter of guessing where the leaks will come from at the end of each winter.

A leak.

That’s what I expect.

Do you know what I do not expect?

It’s raining.

In the office.

Let me say that again so you might grasp the ridiculousness of the statement – It’s raining, in the office.

I stand there stunned for who knows how long just looking at the corner of the office.

I can hear droplets hitting the tile where it hasn’t seeped through yet and I can see where it’s seeped through and is creating a very large wet spot. That grows right before my eyes.

Like every time I look back at it, it’s bigger than before.

Which – well – this is not my department.

I may manage things from time to time. But rain in the office is just too much for me. I punch in, because also I’m not dealing with an issue for free.

No.

Then I put on a headset and summon the manage on duty for the day. I tell her it’s raining in the office.

Words I say over the headset.

Which – you know – the staff can hear.

There’s a lot of people commenting things like, “Did you say rain in the office?”

“I did.” I answer.

And my manager – Emma – paused. I could practically hear the absolute stunned silence over the headset.

I didn’t need to see her to know it. I knew her well enough.

“Okay…” She said after a long moment.

Soon enough she’s joined me in the back office and we’re just staring at the ceiling in abject horror as the sight of the water bubble grows. And grows.

We decide it’s probably best to move shit out of the way. I mean, this is a store that houses mostly paper products, like books. Lots and lots of books. They’re not the type of thing you can easily just dry off.

But we’re also in an office which means we’ve got computers.

A printer.

A giant outlet strip.

Couple of tablets.

You know, office type things.

Which also do not like water very much.

So quickly we remove the items that could be damaged by water only to be halted in the middle of scrabbling to get things out of the way by an awful noise coming from above us. Yes, that’s right the ceiling has now begun creaking under the weight of the water.

This is all happening in a corner of this tiny office as well, meaning neither of us can be in the corner under the ceiling tile at the same time. Not enough space.

And when the ceiling creaks for the first time, we freeze. With Emma directly under it, about to slide a bunch of stuff out of the way.

She freaked.

Which is pretty normal when you’re wondering about the tile about to fall on your head.

But little did she know that I’m behind her, staring at that tile, just waiting for a sign that it’s going to cave in. Hands at the ready, because the first sign it’s coming down I’m grabbing her and throwing her across the office.

I tell her as much.

And it brings her comfort.

Because well, I’m not a weak woman, and I mean what I say. I’d do it. In a heartbeat.

The corner is cleared, and a new problem develops. It’s raining harder, both outside and thus inside as well.

Water is collecting on the wall, heading for the outlet strip.

Which because this is a major General Nonsense Corporation we do not have access to shut things like that down. That shit is left to higher up in their office for them to decide so us peons don’t cause damage.

Or hike up bills.

Or you know, stop outlets from being fired.

Why would we want a fall safe in case it rains inside?

Because, trust me, it rains inside a lot of places. There are always leaks. There’s always water to be wary of. We could have seen that coming.

I’m getting thoroughly soaked.

We request some supplies from our cafe and receiver.

A few rags.

Our cafe manager wonders how many and then just decides, eh I’ll bring a whole box.

The receiver brings multiple trash barrels to contain the water.

Which, well, they do not.

Because the water is coming in through so many locations there’s no way to catch it all even with two small trash barrels and one large one.

But then I remember a story my father told me from a store he worked at long ago and I decide to mimic their solution to a large leak.

And I construct – I shit you not – a large water slide out of trash bags.

Taped to the wall by the ceiling. To each other. Covering the outlets. And I toss rags over all the water already there while I build this stupid thing.

Because it is stupid.

From the ceiling to the floor, there’s a convoluted water slide that would never be approved for anyone to slide down. Not even an ant. Letting all the water land into a central bucket we can easily change out.

Just imagine this for a moment.

Especially when Craig our ASM comes to work that day and sees this waterslide from hell running from the ceiling past two shelves, over the printer, and into a trash barrel. Like if I walked into that, I think I’d just turn around leave.

Nope. This day isn’t going to be good.

Gotta go.

Craig also had the fun idea to take down the ceiling tile.

One mind you – that Emma stabbed a hole into to let the water leak from a central spot.

Which did a whopping nothing, I might add.

Because the water isn’t just chilling on the tile as the wet spot grows. It soaks in and then leaks out the bottom like a sponge. There’s no puddle really.

Just a soaked tile.

Which Craig wanted to remove.

Now, this leak has been there for years. Never this large, but it’s been there a while.

And yes, we have a landlord. One we emailed during this tribulation. We got a nice email back saying they were out for the day and basically to go f*ck ourselves or drown or something. They didn’t care.

So this tile has been soaked before. And dried. And soaked. Dried. For years.

Nothing good can come from taking this tile down.

Only bad.

Something Emma did seem to understand as she moved to help Craig. I went to break because yes, this process took so long it was time for a break for me.

Emma put a trash bag on her head. Gloves and a mask on.

The tile crumpled to pieces on both of them which I could hear from the breakroom and tried not to snicker into my lunch, because I told you not to take it down.

Leave that fun for our landlord’s Maintenace crew when they finally come to maintain the building.

Whoops.

Thanks for reading! See you next month!

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