Amac Productions

The highest of highs, brings us to the lowest of lows.

I do not like this episode very much.

I’m just going to be honest with you guys. I feel like I can tell you things, like this episode was a struggle to watch because it’s just painful from start to finish.

I’m not normally so annoyed with the Xena writers. In fact, I don’t think I’m ever really annoyed with them.

I know they have to cater to the censors from time to time, meaning we get token straight male love interests. Fine, it’s the 90s, I get it. You’re doing everything you can to make the relationship work otherwise. I’m good with that.

When they bring the angst, they bring the angst.

It’s good and earned.

I said it time and time again watching the first part of season three that even when they weren’t at direct odds, both Xena and Gabrielle were acting oddly. There was a hint of the cracks other episodes formed. You could see it. Feel it. The actors, the writers, they hit those moments out of the park.

Filler episodes? No one does filler episodes like them. Even the Xena light episodes don’t bother me for the most part. They’re still enjoyable to watch. They bring something to the table.

Silly episodes? Love it. Bring them on.

I’ll take all the crazy, accidentally stuck in a time loop episodes or Cupid’s son shooting people with arrows making everyone fall in love.

I’m all for it. They almost never dish up anything I find intolerable.

Until this one.

And I think I truly find this episode intolerable because it had the potential to be something truly amazing. Except, instead they choose a bunch of perfect ideas and cobbled them together so they’re all half-baked and don’t quite work together.

Tara appears as someone who is supposed to be like a younger Xena, so we’re told.

However, the first thing she does is beat up on Gabrielle and somehow doesn’t get her ass kicked.

I’m not even just talking about Gabrielle who is more than capable of defending herself and kicking Tara’s ass. As we see later in the episode. But I’m talking about Xena.

How did Xena just walk into the bar after everything they’ve been through and not immediately throw Tara out the window?

I watch these episodes with my girlfriend – and this one… Oh my freaking goodness. I didn’t think it was going to be this bad when she said she didn’t like this episode. I even teasingly asked her what would happen if I liked the episode and she didn’t? Would she dump me?

I think I’m good.

Because we’re barely a minute in and I’m already annoyed.

I’m with Gabrielle, you can kick her butt or hold her while Gabrielle does it. Thank you very much.

But she does not.

Ever.

Throughout the episode, we kept pausing and discussing what was bothering us so much and there was lot.

But we’re confronted with Tara who starts off on the wrong foot with the audience. Even with Xena telling us that she reminds her of herself when she was younger does nothing to endear us to Tara. I still just don’t like her. And when given a moment to redeem herself with the audience, she puts Gabrielle’s staff in the fire.

Like a little brat.

Says one thing to Xena’s face but does another behind her back.

If you want me to root for this girl at all, you’ve got to give me something to work with here.

You see, because as someone watching the show, I love Gabrielle. I root for her. For Xena. When you bring someone else into the fold, you need to give me qualities I can root for. Except she’s a two-faced little brat stealing Gabrielle’s spot beside Xena.

Which leads to other moments that I hate even more.

Because, fine, sure – teens will be teens. I get that.

But Xena didn’t need to lay down beside Tara and go to sleep there. Just no.

If you wanted that conversation to take place, they can sit by the fire and chat while Gabrielle sleeps. But ultimately, Xena should have picked up her bedroll and joined Gabrielle. Because throughout the entire episode Xena keeps setting boundaries and gives Tara no consequences for trampling all over them.

I’m not counting the beating Gabrielle gave her, because we were well past the point of the audience caring.

The second she put the staff in the fire after helping Xena with the recon, she lost me.

Nope, sorry. I don’t like you Tara.

And with Xena allowing this disrespect to Gabrielle, I now feel ten times more protective of her than before. Because guess what Xena? You just got a taste of what life would be like without her and you choose anything but that. You forgave Gabrielle even after everything that happened, including the loss of your children.

It is simply beyond all reason that you would allow someone to try and bite Gabrielle’s ear off and almost get her killed several times without repercussions. No matter who she reminds you of. I mean, unless the someone was Gabrielle.

I’m pretty sure Gabrielle could get away with anything with you.

It’s just disrespectful.

To the entire plotline we just went through.

Just no.

Then we have several other ideas with Tara that are never quite fully realized.

Like it appears that she’s supposed to be young enough that she’s in the stage of crushing on Xena without realizing that she’s crushing so hard. She believes it’s admiration at the moment. She’s in awe of Xena. Sort of.

Except it doesn’t quite work because there are moments where it’s framed like she’s supposed to be a romantic interest.

Such as sharing the bed space with Xena.

While totally something a teen might try, Xena should not have allowed it. Keeping a solid boundary for not only the teenager but herself and the woman she’s chosen above all else.

Literally.

They were prepared to die together last episode. Xena was prepared to let the world burn if she could keep Gabrielle alive.

You’re telling me that woman who barely left Gabrielle’s side wouldn’t sleep beside her?

She was sleeping beside her even when cracks were forming earlier in the season. It was literally the opening of a scene in the Chin episodes, when Xena rolls over and Gabrielle isn’t there.

Nope. Not buying it.

Seriously, that scene would have been better if Xena and Tara talked by the fire and Xena crawled into bed with Gabrielle. Way more sense and it would speak better to the lack of interest Xena has beyond helping her.

We also get the sense of Tara becoming like an adopted child for them, but even that never quite fits right either.

She sleeps between them like a lost little child and they play games together. Say goodnight like the freaking Waltons. It seems like we’re supposed to accept this. Except I still don’t like Tara because it’s too late.

The nearly killing Gabrielle has left a sour taste in my mouth.

Tara seemingly not understanding that power has nothing to do with the ability to kick someone’s butt.

She challenges Gabrielle again and gets a taste of the fact that she had caught her off guard before. Tara has no idea what she’s gotten herself into.

Honestly, that’s apparent throughout the episode and even from the writers.

Because they plopped her into a plotline where she’s attempting to drive wedge between them by goading Gabrielle into beating her up to make Gabrielle look like a bad guy. Or something like that.

Except it’s crazy because no one would ever believe that.

Especially not Xena.

They’ve already faced the worst, and this little girl is trying to get between them? To replace Gabrielle? Please.

Gabrielle is irreplaceable to Xena. Although, this episode might not showcase it well enough, the previous two have.

She appears to worship power, but even that isn’t quite right because she doesn’t respect Xena enough to stop testing her limits. Which would also be helpful if Xena enforced the limits as well. My goodness, I’m so annoyed by so many things.

By the end of this episode, I was begging for Joxer to appear and add some much-needed levity into the episode.

Then I had to pause and discuss that somehow, I’ve come so far from the end of season one and the beginning of season two, where all I wanted was for him to go away. Yet – during this episode – I was begging him to show up and help me out. Something. Please.

Joxer. I think you could help this episode.

At least, you’d make me laugh.

And you’re not dumb enough to truly try and get between Xena and Gabrielle. They’re a package deal.

Whew.

What else bothered me?

I’m not sure.

But I can tell you something that I did enjoy – Xena’s answer about knowing what the right thing to do is. She would ask Gabrielle. Not because Gabrielle is perfect or has all the answers but because she leads with her heart. To help people. That’s not often the wrong answer.

I love this.

It does illustrate how far we’ve come.

With both Xena and Gabrielle admitting that neither of them is perfect, but they try their best. Sometimes, it just means trying to make the best of a bad situation. Trying to do the right thing doesn’t always mean you get it right. But trying is important.

I loved when Tara says that Gabrielle has Xena fooled into thinking she’s perfect. Gabrielle just chuckles, clearly thinking back to everything that’s happened, and disputes it easily.

The rift between them during this season forged them into something stronger. Unbreakable.

Maybe that’s why the episode is so odd because they’re not quite choosing each other properly here, but maybe they’re just getting used to their new normal. I don’t know. I’m trying to rationalize for myself. Okay?

These writers were just having a bad day this episode. They’d given us some great episodes and just needed a vacation or something this week.

Anyway, what I loved was it does demonstrate how far we’ve come from the start of the series.

Gabrielle once believed Xena hung the moon and could do no wrong. She wanted to be just like her. Learn everything she knows.

While Xena desperately wanted to keep Gabrielle’s innocence completely intact. Protect the world so that the darkness may never taint Gabrielle. A girl she did decide was perfect.

Except now, they’ve seen the worst of each other and have still decided that they want to be together.

There is no life without each other anymore.

We’ve come so far from the images they had of each other, to the people they actually are – choosing each other. Day in and day out.

Where we get silly domestic moments in this episode when Xena is summoned to Gabrielle’s side and you can see Xena literally thinking to herself, ‘shit, shit, shit, I’ve angered my wife.’

Looks – mind you – that Tara missed every time.

Because if she had seen them, she might have understood her fate rested in Gabrielle’s hands. Not Xena’s. That she held more power over Xena than anyone would ever understand, because while she’s the former terrifying warlord, Warrior Princess – Gabrielle is everything to her.

She would let Greece burn to protect her.

Or let Gabrielle die because she wishes for Xena to save Greece instead of her.

Power isn’t whose ass you can kick.

It’s the person who can make the other sleep on the couch. I mean, if they had one – Xena would have been on it.

Don’t tell me that’s what happened by the fire either, because Gabrielle tried to sleep beside Xena, and Tara got in the way. Xena could have still slipped in beside her wife.

Should have. As well.

Yes, they’re married to me. Because there is no other logical explanation for their relationship at this point. They act like a couple who has been married for 30 years. The way Xena tucks her tail and talks to Gabrielle after agreeing to let Tara come with them. Or when Gabrielle pulls her aside after they nearly die and says she can’t work like this. Xena’s entire demeanor changes and she grows in size and gets in Tara’s face.

She spent a good chunk of the episode in the doghouse.

Then they bicker by the fire over theater and the little game they’re playing.

They’re married. That’s it.

Well, thank you for reading. I’m onto next week’s episode. Someone please tell me it’ll be better. Please.

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